Not even I at my most cynical would have believed that two of the major parts in next year’s Kendal Passion Play, Jesus and Caiaphas, would have been given to the Mayor of Kendal and his deputy!

The Westmorland Gazette has a story on the improvements which will be made to Highgate but has ignored who is actually paying for it and, more importantly, who should be paying for it.

South Lakeland District Council (SLDC) has ‘contributed’ £160,000 of the cost but nowhere does it mention that K Shopping Village should have paid SLDC £100,000 of the cost, under what is called a Section 106 agreement, which in very simple terms is their contribution to Kendal as a result of being given planning permission for the Shopping Village.

Amazingly SLDC have allowed K Shopping Village to ‘defer’ the payment which means that we (the council taxpayers) are having to pay for it instead! And as far as I can tell there is no guarantee that the money will ever be paid.

I’m not alone in my worries either. Councillor Tom Harvey, in the comments on an earlier story, said

I didn’t say I agree with taking the risk, in fact I don’t because I have real concerns that we may not see the money from K-village.

What really interests me in these difficult economic times is will K Shopping Village allow its tenants to ‘defer’ their rent and will SLDC allow businesses to ‘defer’ their business rates?

Personally I doubt it.

If you have a spare 30 minutes over the weekend, and have been wondering why the Cumbrian economy has languished over the last ten years,  listen to Radio Cumbria interviewing George Beveridge, “interim chair” of Cumbria Local Enterprise Partnership.

This link will take you to BBC iPlayer. The interview itself is 2 hours 28 minutes 35 seconds into the programme (2:28:35).

Alternatively, fast forward to 2:54:29 when he answers my question on the internet, Twitter and the Cumbria LEP website. I especially liked his comment about “updating” the website with details of the Growing Places Fund which was announced nearly three months ago!

P.S Coincidentally the website has been updated this afternoon!

Some days I think April Fools’ Day has come early.

Today was one of those days, when I read in the Westmorland Gazette that Lancaster University has launched an enterprise centre which aims to use artistic ideas — including those of the Lakeland poet — to improve businesses.

My younger son told me years ago that Coleridge was in the habit of climbing to the top of fells and then setting off in a straight line, regardless of the terrain. Once he was stuck on a ledge for a whole night. I did, however, mention that Coleridge was a huge fan of Kendal Black Drop, an opium based drug, which probably accounted for his strange behaviour.

Yet again, I find myself saying if you want to offer advice

just help us (small businesses) make more money and have fewer financial problems.

Last week I received an e-mail from our local “enterprise agency” (one of the many Cumbrian quangos)  titled Preparing for the year ahead with this opening paragraph

We want to do everything in our power to ensure that businesses in Cumbria have the opportunity to prepare their business and staff for the challenging year that lays ahead of us!

Great news I thought until I read the rest of the e-mail which detailed the support on offer:

We have just added a comprehensive programme of CIEH (Chartered Institute of Environmental Health) training courses which will be held in Penrith, they are:

Tuesday 31^st January 2012                Level 2 Award in Health and Safety

Wednesday 8^th February 2012          Level 2 Award in Manual Handling

Wednesday 22^nd February 2012        Level 2 Award in Environmental Principals and Best Practice

If these people think that this is preparing businesses for “the challenging year that lays ahead” then their knowledge of the problems facing businesses is even less than I thought.

Most business owners I meet would respond along the lines of

When you’re up to your neck in alligators, it’s easy to forget the initial objective was to drain the swamp.

In other words ‘help us make more money and have fewer financial problems‘.

Before Christmas I had my doubts about the HMRC press releases but the latest from the NDS has convinced me that Alastair Campbell is their new in-house writer.

Titled

Accountant sang sick song as he ripped off the public

it’s important that I state at this stage that I think the individual involved, David Perrin, is a crook and deserves everything he’ll have thrown at him (prison and confiscation proceedings).

What I do question is the description ‘accountant’ because he

worked for the former Inland Revenue in the late 80s/early 90s.

See Note 1 of the press release!

Perhaps “ex-Revenue employee” should have featured somehere in the heading?

The Wikipedia entry for Vantis (the firm where he was a director) gives us an insight into the crook’s character:

n October 2009, Roy Faichney and David Perrin were suspended and later dismissed by Vantis after HMRC charged them with offences relating to abuse of Gift Aid tax relief. They denied the charges and commenced action against Vantis for wrongful dismissal.

The recent discovery of a cannabis farm in the “disused” (closed?) public conveniences on New Road in Kendal is a shining example of  South Lakeland District Council’s attitude to local residents, local businesses and visitors.

My office faces these public conveniences which are on the other side of the River Kent. Ever since SLDC decided to close them there has been a steady stream of people urinating (and worse) against the back wall of the building. After a complaint to our local councillor, SLDC erected wire fences at the back and side. It wasn’t a perfect solution but it did reduce the number of users.

Sadly, when the fair left in September they took the fencing with them! I phoned SLDC and told them the area was once again being used as a toilet and was told in no uncertain terms that they already knew about it and they were arranging for the fair to return and re-fit the panels. I did add that I hoped the fair was paying for any costs involved.

A few weeks later the newly replaced panels were removed by SLDC to allow a survey of the car park but nobody refitted them. They were left leaning against the wall! So guess what happened? Somebody threw them into the river! I didn’t contact the council again because of their attitude previously. One of the panels was clearly visible  as it had fallen back against the banking of the river.

Nothing happened until late October when after some very heavy rain it was washed down the river and through Miller Bridge . The recent rain has now washed it further down the river and out of sight.

What puzzles me is why, if as stated by SLDC  “The council inspects its premises on a monthly basis to ensure public safety. New Road toilets were part of a regular programme and when the building was last inspected on November 14, there was no evidence of a breach of security”, has it taken until last Friday for the fencing to be replaced?

Nearly three months and presumably at least a couple of “inspections” to do something!

P.S. I will not mention the cost of replacing the panel which they allowed to be washed down the river! It’s not their money it’s ours.

I come across dozens of business names every day; some obvious, some boring, some corny but very few which are genuinely funny.

Yesterday, when I was looking for a client’s office on  Google I came across this one

Wash My Wheelie

Wonderful.

We need more chartered accountants like Mad Mike Hoare. 

Instead of throwing him out of the Institute he should have been made President and C.E.O.

I can’t see him kowtowing to Dave Hartnett at HMRC.

Next Monday (December 5th) is the start of Mintfest’s appeal to raise vital funds for next year’s festival.

I have said before that there are more deserving causes than Mintfest at Christmas but what really puzzles me is why do they need this money?

I know they have lost £250,000 of funding which was previously provided by the Northwest Regional Development Agency but they did receive £290,000 of “new money” earlier this year from Arts Council England, which in very simple terms means they are £40,000 “better off”, rather than facing “a hole left after the closure of the North West Regional Development Agency”, as reported in the Westmorland Gazette this week.

I am very conscious that I am not in possession of the full facts behind Mintfest’s appeal for “vital funds” but if Mintfest was a charity, which it isn’t, it would have to publish very detailed accounts like the ones from  Multi Cultural Arts .

At least the public would then be able to make an informed decision about how great Mintfest’s needs really are.